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A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, “Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get started.”
Her neighbor asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?”
The little silver haired lady says, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a rooster.”
Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, “First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.”
He takes her hand and says, “Secondly, I want you to relax. Let’s have a nice cup of tea, and then,” he said with a deep sigh …
“Let’s put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.”
GrifNet shared this tip on weight loss.
“I figured out why I’m fat! The shampoo I use in the shower that runs down
my body says, ‘For extra volume and body’. No wonder!
So in place of that fattening shampoo, I’m going to start using Dawn dish
soap. It says, ‘Dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove’.”
[Makes sense to me. Wonder if they sell it in the industrial size at Sam’s
I’m flabbergasted! (Appalled by discovering how much weight I have gained!)
Taken from The Official Book of Homeschooling Cartoons (www.familymanweb.com)
Have a blessed Thanksgiving!
3 Of the spoils of your wandering, you shall devote a tenth of the firstfruits to your father. But take heed that you devote what has chocolate, so that he shall be pleased with what he receives.
4 Of the Reese’s®, you shall devote them all, likewise the Snickers®. But take heed, lest you try to test your father and give him Skittles® instead of M&Ms®, and thereby incur his disfavor.
5 Of the Pixi Stix®, and the Sweet Tarts®, and the Kandy Korn®, you shall give him no part, for they are an abomination unto him. But of the Nestle Crunch® and Krackel®, you shall give him a portion, as a peace offering.
6 Lest you grumble because of the nuts in the flesh of your spoils, you may offer the bars that contain them unto your father. Mr. Goodbar® is favored, as are the Peanut M&Ms®. Almond Joy® hath nuts, Mounds® don’t.
7 You shall reserve the choicest fruits: the special darks, and the truffles, for an offering to your mother, who bore you, who brought you to life. And it is under her rule as to when you are able to eat the remainder.
8 And on the day of cleansing, the last day, all the bags shall be opened, and I shall say unto you, “How on earth did we get so many Tootsie Rolls®?” And all that remains will be cast into the bin.
9 And if any acceptable offerings are found that have been left to rot, or get that white crusty stuff on the chocolate, I shall say to you, “How is it that you have hidden this from my eyes, and have not even eaten it?” And your father shall not be pleased with you.
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HT: All Glory
Lexophilia: the love of words
Top 10 Word Plays
No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationary.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.
If you throw a cat out the car window does it become kitty litter?
A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into
Have a great weekend!
For those of you whose first day of school is today, here’s some new book titles…
“Walking To School The First Day Back” by Misty Bus
“What I Dislike About Returning To School” by Mona Lott
“The Day the Car Pool Forgot Me” by I. Rhoda Bike
“How to Join MENSA” by Gene Yuss
“Can’t See the Chalkboard” by Sidney Backrow
“Using Webster’s for Term Papers” by Dick Shunnary
“Practical Jokes I Played On the First Day Of School” by Major Crackupp
“Be the Teacher’s Pet” by I. Wanda Know
“Making It Through the First Week Of School” by Gladys Saturday
“Is Life Over When Summer Ends?” by Midas Welbee
“What I Love About Returning To School” by I.M. Kidding
“Will Jimmy Finally Graduate?” by Betty Wont
“What Happens When You Get Caught Skipping School” by U. Will Gettitt
“I Love Math Class” by Adam Up