suitable helperIt’s an awesome responsibility for a man to take on the role of husband. Let’s consider some ways that a wife can help her husband to be a good one. In Genesis 2:18 we read that God provided Adam with a helper suited to his needs. Today’s “suitable helper” will desire to do her husband “good and not evil all the days of her life.” That’s Proverbs 31:12.

          One: The suitable helper will make home a place of shelter and refuge. When the door is closed, the world’s turmoil is left outside. I like to think of the Christian home as a temporary abode where husband and children are sheltered and cared for on the way to their heavenly home.

          Two: She will communicate wisely. I believe a wife should be her husband’s chief counselor, but in dispensing wisdom, “Let your speech always be with grace,” we’re told in Colossians 4:6. An alternative to discussing an issue verbally is to write it down. You’ll have no interruptions. You won’t get off track. Your emotions won’t spill over, and you can think as you write and revise. Your husband can then read, re-read, ponder, and respond by whatever means he chooses.

          Three: She will have a genuine interest in her husband’s problems and concerns. Six PM is the danger hour of the day in many homes. Our husband comes through the door, and we can be so hung up on our horrible day that we can hardly wait to unload. The solution has something to do with Philippians 2:3: “Let each esteem others better [more important] than themselves.” Then there’s Galatians 6:2, where we’re told to “Bear one another’s burdens.” Best of all, we’d be following Christ’s example. He gave His very life for us, and He gives us His full attention when we pour out our hearts to Him in prayer.

          Four: She will be trustworthy when he shares confidences. They are for her ears only. He doesn’t want his poorer moments advertised with the girls over coffee, or his confidences given away, even to her best friend, or her mother.

          Five: She will be courteous. The sweet, gracious ways that won his heart during courtship are sometimes left behind at the altar. Consistent courtesy smooths the path in every situation.

          Six: She is submissive to her husband. In God’s wisdom, it’s a command: “Wives, be in subjection to your own husbands,” we’re told in 1 Peter 3:1. Way back there, Satan wanted to be “like the most High” (Isaiah 14:14). But how many “most Highs” can there be in any relationship? Satan was cast out of heaven for demanding equal rights with God. God commands wives to obey their husbands (in the Lord). He commands husbands to love their wives “even as Christ loved the church [His bride].” That’s Ephesians 5:25. It shouldn’t be difficult to decide which is the greater challenge.

          Seven: She is a good manager, a good executive over her little kingdom. “She looketh well to the ways of her household,” says Proverbs 31:27. The whole chapter is a recital of all that this amazing woman accomplishes. She had to be organized. And the result? Her husband could relax and do his job more efficiently because she was doing hers.

          Eight: She will be contented with her lot. “Godliness with contentment is great gain,” says 1 Timothy 6:6. How can we be godly and not contented, when our Lord “daily loadeth us with benefits,” as Psalm 68:19 reminds us. Try thanking God for things you never dreamed of being thankful for before: the wildflowers growing among the weeds in your yard, the sun that’s drying your clothes because you don’t have an electric dryer, the coupons that have come just in time to buy the groceries you need. Practice being thankful for all those little things, which aren’t really little because they’re also God’s gifts.

          Nine: A gracious wife accepts his love, however offered. Husbands are not all poets and romantics. They may work hard, be loyal, faithful, helpful, but have a problem saying the words she longs to hear. Love can be unspoken and just as real. Accept it.

          Ten: Most important of all, the wise woman attends to her inner beauty because “Favor is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who feareth the Lord will be praised,” Proverbs 31:30 tells us. Those many virtues listed throughout chapter 31 add up to a zero if her relationship with the Lord is not the priority. So–number ten is really number one.

A final thought from an unknown author: “Who are better suited to wedlock than men and women who have already died to self? Already they have learned to serve and please Another [our Lord Jesus Christ].”.

Happily, in this way, our relationship with our Heavenly Bridegroom can be the pattern for our earthly marriages.


–from September 2009 Berean Call newsletter