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Here’s the latest from the a capella group, Straight No Chaser. Enjoy!
MY MOTHER’S DICTIONARY
AIRPLANE: What Mom impersonates to get a 1-year-old to eat strained beets.
APPLE: Nutritious lunchtime dessert which I traded for cupcakes.
BABY: 1. Dad, when he gets a cold. 2. Mom’s youngest child, even if he’s 42.
BATHROOM: a room used by the entire family, believed by all except Mom to be
self-cleaning.
BECAUSE: Mom’s reason for having me do things which can’t be explained
logically.
BED and BREAKFAST: Two things I didn’t ever make for myself.
COUCH POTATO: What Mom found under the sofa cushions after we ate dinner.
DRINKING GLASS: Any carton or bottle left open in the fridge.
DUST RAGS: See “DAD’S UNDERWEAR.”
EAR: A place where kids store dirt.
EAT: What I like to do between meals, but not at them.
EYE: The highly susceptible optic nerve which, according to my Mom, can be
“put out” by anything from a suction-arrow to a carelessly handled butter
knife.
FOOD: The response Mom usually gives in answer to the question “What’s for
dinner tonight?” See “SARCASM”
GENIUSES: Amazingly, all of Mom’s kids.
HAMPER: A wicker container with a lid, usually surrounded by, but not
containing, dirty clothing.
HANDI-WIPES: Pants, shirt-sleeves, drapes, etc.
HINDSIGHT: What Mom experienced from changing too many diapers.
JUNK: Dad’s stuff.
KISS: Mom medicine.
LAZY-BOY (recliner): Mom’s nickname for Dad.
from Grif.net
I had a rare opportunity to cruise around to some of my favorite blogs yesterday and was edified, uplifted and encouraged. So…I wanted to share some of what I found.
Over at Amy’s Humble Musings, I had to laugh as I read this hilarious story of life in farming community. She captures moments that express life at its fullest! What would cause Emily Post to have a heart attack, anyway?
Checking in with Ingrid over at The Hope Blog, I discovered that she and I share a love of Southern Gospel music. Enjoy this delightful video of the Gaither Vocal Band along with her personal update here.
My next visit was to Generation Cedar where I found a list of Important Things for Mothers To Do. To be honest, my ‘important list of things to do’ is quite extensive right now and I’m barely keeping my head above water; however, Kelly’s list had a different twist to it that gave me pause. Here’s a snippet.
Important things for mothers to say to their children:
- “I love being with you.”
- “You make my day better.”
- “You’re a gift.”
- “I’m so glad God gave you to us.”
- “God has a great plan for you…don’t stop serving Him.”
- “There’s no place I’d rather spend the day than with you.”
- “You make me laugh.”
- “What I want more than anything on earth is for you to “seek first the Kingdom of God”.
Boy! Did that one hit home! Implementing this list ASAP!
Also at Kelly’s blog, I was introduced to a pianist named Jon Schmidt. I’ve never heard of this young composer before, but his music is fantastic! Here’s the video that she shared,
“The LORD bless you and keep you;
The LORD make His face shine upon you,
And be gracious to you;
The LORD lift up His countenance upon you,
And give you peace.”
Numbers 6:24-26
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Have a beautiful weekend!
Contest Winners
Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman are out for a stroll in town one day. As
they walked, they come across a sign: “Beauty contest for the most beautiful
woman in the world.”
“I am entering!” said Snow White. After half an hour she comes out and they
ask her, “Well, how’d ya do?”
“First Place!” said a smiling Snow White.
They continue walking and they see a sign: “Contest for the strongest man in
the world.”
“I’m entering,” says Superman. After half an hour, he returns and they ask
him, “How did you make out?”
“First Place,” answers Superman. “Did you ever doubt?”
They continue walking when they see a sign: “Contest! Who is the greatest
liar in the world?” Pinocchio enters.
After half an hour he returns with tears in his eyes.
“What happened?” they asked.
“Who is this Nancy Pelosi, anyway?” asked Pinocchio.
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HT: Grif.Net
Measurements
Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi
2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton
1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope
Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement: 1 bananosecond
Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram
Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knot-furlong
365 days of drinking diet beverages = 1 lite year
16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling
Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon
1000 aches = 1 kilohurtz
Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower
Shortest distance between two jokes = a straight line
453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
1 million microphones = 1 megaphone
1 million bicycles = 2 megacycles
2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds
10 cards = 1 decacards
1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 Fig Newton
1000 cubic centimeters of wet socks = 1 literhosen
1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
10 rations = 1 decoration
100 rations = 1 C-ration
HT: Grif.Net
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From the Internet…
A child was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible.
This is amazing and brought tears of laughter to my eyes.
I wonder how often we take for granted that children understand what we are teaching???
This is amazing and brought tears of laughter to my eyes.
I wonder how often we take for granted that children understand what we are teaching???
Through the eyes of a child:
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Judas Asparagus
The Children’s Bible in a Nutshell
In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God,darkness, and some gas.
The Bible says,’The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that.
Anyway, God said, ‘Give me a light!’ and someone did.
Then God made the world.
He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were
naked, but they weren’t embarrassed because mirrors
hadn’t been invented yet.
Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple,
so they were driven from the Garden of Eden.
Not sure what they were driven in though, because
they didn’t have cars.
Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother
as long as he was Abel.
Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except
for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or
something.
One of the next important people was Noah, who was
a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham.
Noah built a large boat and put his family and some
animals on it. He asked some other people to join him,
but they said they would have to take a rain check.
After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob
was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau
sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot
roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a
really loud sports coat.
Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name
was Charlton Heston.
Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away
from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on
Pharaoh’s people. These plagues included frogs, mice,
lice, bowels, and no cable.
God fed the IsraelLights every day with manicotti.
Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments.
These include: don’t lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or
covet your neighbor’s stuff.
Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy
father and thy mother.
One of Moses’ best helpers was Joshua who was the
first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle
of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.
After Joshua came David. He got to be king by
killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named
Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines.
My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn’t sound
very wise to me.
After Solomon there were a bunch of major league
prophets.
One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big
whale and then barfed up on the shore. There were
also some minor league prophets, but I guess we
don’t have to worry about them.
After the Old Testament came the New Testament.
Jesus is the star of The New. He was born in
Bethlehem in a barn.
(I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my
mom is always saying to me, ‘Close the door! Were
you born in a barn?’ It would be nice to say, ‘As a matter of fact, I was.’)
During His life, Jesus had many arguments with
sinners like the Pharisees and the Republicans.
Jesus also had twelve opossums. The worst one
was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they
named a terrible vegetable after him.
Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards
and even preached to some Germans on the Mount.
But the Republicans and all those guys put Jesus on
trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn’t stick up
for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.
Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back
to life again.
He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end
of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book
of Revolution
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My last post was on the serious side. Here’s some Christmas humor with some serious talent mixed in.
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May the LORD bless you and your family as we celebrate the birth of our Savior.
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This video from ‘Way of the Master’ is funny and sad at the sad at the same time. Having come out of a ‘Purpose Driven’ church it resonated closely with me. Many people have fallen into the deceptions that this video satirizes.
May the LORD use it to open our eyes!
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